My Cat Invented Twittering Years Ago

I always put it off to a lonely childhood and a bad upbringing when she first started trying to call the birds out of the trees. Then I realized she wanted to be just like them. Oh, Queen Kitty had tried to eat a few of them when she was young but she could never get past the feathers. I had to dispose of their forlorn little bodies, which was mildly disgusting. But then cats are usually disgusting.

 

I think the idea of communication like the twitter could be automated. You could send out a copy of the sound of your heartbeat for instance, or any other bodily noise you might select. That would let people who tuned in know that you are still alive. My cat would be the only one tuned in to my network, and then only at mealtime. She usually starts talking to me a few hours before she is due to be fed her ration of fish.

 

But she spends all day sitting at the window behind my wife’s computer and calling to the birds out in the yard. She could go join them but they keep rejecting her. Besides, it is more comfortable talking to her subjects from her kitty throne. She only eats fish, she has given up raw bird as a lost cause but they don’t seem to care.

 

The illusion that Tweets are real communication is funny and a little interesting but not very. Many people should be limited to one tweet in a lifetime but then what would we do with the Internet? All of that bandwidth is kept open all of the time so we can send one another irritating little messages about our mostly mundane lives? I thought that was what email was about.

 

The idea that if you notice me I must be important is at least as old as humanity and probably a lot older. Of course, if I notice you more at mealtime it might say something about our relationship.

 

If I notice you more when I am hungry, either you help feed me or perhaps you look more like food than anything else to me. Luckily my cat only eats fish but if she were hungry enough and I weren’t moving fast enough she might make an exception. Hmmmmm? Oh well, if she tries it I’ll just take her cell phone away.